i blog for girls who were deeply lonely in elementary school and stayed that way
no matter how many friends i make, nothing’s new. the feeling in my chest remains.
hey, i made this post forever ago and i want you to know: i don’t feel lonely anymore. i think i’ll always carry a ribbon of loneliness through who i am ( shout-out mary oliver ) because i was alone during my most formative years, but the loneliness i carry with me isn’t an actual state of being — it’s a memory of being lonely, it’s a state of being i used to be intimate with, it’s a familiar feeling that doesn’t challenge my perceptions or beliefs about the world or myself. it’s the blanket i put over myself when i don’t know any better or i’m scared of better.
i don’t know when it happened, but it did. i hope and pray it’ll happen to all the lonely girls that see themselves in this post — you can put your loneliness down, it has a home with the thousands of other lonely girls. come by once in a while to honour it, but know that your loneliness can keep mine company while we go live our lives.
the thing that sucks is that people love saying sleep early is good etc etc and yeah it is. I’ve seen some benefits before. but I think it sucks to ignore that late night is the only time with any freedom. I think it sucks to not acknowledge the dread in waking up and it’s a work day again
[Begin ID: “Simplified pixel art drawing of the original image which is an orange and white cat sleeping with just his head peaking around the corner ” End ID]
The reason the work you’ve done on how you feel doesn’t seem like it’s working is because you need to do it until it works. It’s never been “this strategy will pull you up” it’s always been “here’s something you can do that will END with you getting out of that hole” the climbing still hurts and the being underground still hurts but that doesn’t mean it’s not working
*doing laundry* “this doesn’t feel better
*cooking meals* this doesn’t feel better
*exercising* this doesn’t feel better
*making art* this doesn’t feel better
*cleaning the apartment* this doesn’t feel better
*somewhere months or years down the line*
holy shit
tl;dr
Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
LOVE when a video game protag is called a title. The Warden, the Watcher, the Exile…. Yessss be defined by a concept greater than yourself that will ultimately overtake your life
ALT
